Think Strong - Stay Focused

Think Strong - Stay Focused

"There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth... not going all the way, and not starting." 
Buddha

  "Begin today. Declare out loud to the universe that you are willing to let go of struggle and eager to learn through joy."

Sarah Ban Breathnach

 "Life is either a daring adventure or nothing."

Helen Keller

 - My Take -

With Spring hitting this week (on the calendar at least) I woke up finding myself a little anxious, a bit of cabin fever I suppose. I need to get out and do something, “different” I was thinking.  Then I began to go through my normal morning ritual.  A routine I've developed for myself that gets me going in the morning, clears my mind, and prepares me for the day ahead.  I had to laugh at myself. Here I am itching to do something “different” and the first thing I do is the same thing that I do very day. Part of my routine is to stop and find a piece of nature to take in for a few moments. It helps me relax and put my day into perspective. This day, the first day of spring, I was standing on a bulkhead in Brigantine Beach NJ gazing out into the Atlantic Ocean, a new day, a new season, change is all around me I was thinking. Yet there are parts of this change that are very much the same, and have to be.

 I have a friend that just a few years ago was sitting on her bed crying and with a twisted gut wondering how she was going to rebuild her life and take care of her young children still living  at home one being her 10 year old son.

 I don't need to get into the graphic details of why my friend was in this position but suffice to say her comfortable lifestyle, a world that included a nice home and a secure future had crumbled and now seemingly over night and now all on her own was thrust into a world of poverty, fear, embarrassment and hopelessness. Her situation and story to this point is not all that unique. After the economic crumble that we all experienced many lives have been uprooted and some completely destroyed.

 Her story is about hope and recovery., What is remarkable about this story, is her courage and willingness to expose her vulnerability and reach out for help. And then her strength and willingness to reinvent herself and take the steps necessary to create lasting and positive change in her life.

 Define - The "start" my friend was able to define and come to grips with her situation by reaching out to family and trusted counsel. By having the courage to reach out and by putting it all out on the table with all its pain, embarrassment, and gory details, my friend was able to get a clear picture of her situation.

 Create -   With the help she had employed, my friend was able to begin to put the pieces of a meaningful recovery together. How would she earn enough money to first survive, and then ultimately thrive? Where would she live and what would that look like? Who should be included in her new life and what would her new daily routine involve? All of this a seemingly hopeless task on your own. 

 Live -  Sticking to the plan and being diligent in its execution is what takes strength. This is where my friend is so amazing. I have to say I am in awe and so impressed with her ability to stay focused and remain on track. If you ask her how she does it, and if you knew her you would.  She will say "I have no choice, I can't go back to that mess. This is my life now. I'm happy with how things are progressing. I'm living a lifestyle that is sustainable and makes

me feel hopeful and happy"..

My friend is showing that what Buddha said is so true. She made the tough choices necessary to "start" a new life and is now diligently taking little baby steps every day in its execution to the finish "by going all the way".

 Stay Focused – Start today, then take it to the finish by making the change part of your lifestyle. Define – Create – Live.  Imagine if the sun decided to take the day off or if the seasons decided not to change. Diligence is part of being focused.

- Think Strong Blog -

Stay Focused 

Dignity does not float down from heaven it cannot be purchased nor manufactured. It is a reward reserved for those who labor with diligence.
 - Bill Hybels -

Everything yields to diligence.
- Antiphanes -

What we hope ever to do with ease, we must first learn to do with diligence.
- Samuel Johnson -

No change in diet can do the job of reducing ones weight or repairing ones health without also including a healthy dose of diligence.  – unknown –

My Take

A friend was struggling with his weight a few years ago and called to ask if I could recommend a diet. He had seen me achieve amazing results in the past going from out of shape to great shape and back again to ok shape and then watched my transformation when I decide I wanted to get in ridiculous in the best shape of my life shape, He actually joked that it was so easy for me that I must have a dial implanted on my body that I could turn to regulate whatever level of fitness I wanted to maintain. I've never actually used a structured branded diet to lose weight or build muscle, so I couldn't help him with his request.

I was however, able to tell him my secret.

I can’t help you my friend. To my knowledge I never used one of those diets. But if you’re interested, I can show you how to put one of those fitness dials in your body and then you can just dial it in whenever you want.  Of course he laughed and then called me a few endearing names. No really, if you’re truly interested I can help you. You can’t tell anyone, but it’s not a dial. It’s something else.

Listen closely I will tell you.

No change in diet can do the job of reducing your weight or repairing your health without also including a healthy dose of Diligence.  I promise you, if you make the necessary changes to your diet and develop a basic fitness routine you can achieve successful results. One more thing, and this is the secret, you must commit to making this new regiment part of your daily life. In time, this labor of fitness will turn into an enjoyable part of your lifestyle and you too will be able to dial in your level of fitness, at will.  That was five years ago and now my friend is in better shape than almost anyone I know, and puts me to shame.  Diligence was and is the secret. My friend installed his own fitness dial by finding the right diet and fitness routine that matched his needs, and then committed to making this new regiment part of his life and lifestyle.

Define – Create – Live

Any lifestyle you desire is possible. Just make sure you include a healthy dose of diligence.

- Think Strong -

In this issue of -Think Strong - I share some words of wisdom from my friend and personal development coach from Sweden Henrik Edberg. 

The 7 Habits of Happy Relationships

by HENRIK EDBERG

“Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions.”
Dalai Lama

Happiness in life can come from many things.

From how meaningful you find your work to be. From a hobby you can get lost in for hours. Or from just being with the natural world around you and appreciating the warming spring rays of sun.

A big part of the happiness also comes from the relationships in our lives. And from how we cultivate them and let them grow.

So today I would like to share 7 of my favorite habits that have helped me to grow happier relationships of any kind.

1. Treat other people as you would like to be treated.

The most basic guideline of relationships is that how you treat someone is how that person is likely to treat you too in the long run.

If you are kind and helpful they will tend to be kind and helpful to you. If you never really listen or are judgmental then you are likely to get that in return.

There will of course be exceptions. Some people will not reciprocate and treat you well even if you treat them well. And you may not get back what you give right away.

But in the long run and in most cases things tend to even out.

Just don’t make the mistake of waiting for everyone else to make a change or to take the first step. Instead, be proactive. Be the one to take the first few steps to build the relationships you want to live in and to start giving what you want to get.

2. Truly listen.

Everyone wants to feel like they are being understood.

So when you listen, don’t just wait for your turn to talk. And don’t keep your mind half-occupied with some other issue or plans for tonight.

When you listen, truly be there. With your full attention.

Two things that have helped me to become a better listener are:

§  Fully focus outward. Focus on just what is happening in front of you with your senses. Listen carefully to the other person’s voice and the tone of it, the emotions expressed in the eyes and in how he or she uses his or her body. You may still miss things but forgetting about yourself and your troubles or ideas for a while is good starting point to be really engaged and receptive to what the other person is trying to get across.

§  Tell yourself you will tell someone else about this conversation later on. Then you’ll be more alert and what is said in the conversation simply seems to stick better in my experience. Plus, curiosity and trying to truly understand by asking follow-up questions tends to come naturally.

3. Be assertive.

Being assertive, being able to ask for what you want and to say no to what you do not want in your life will not only boost your own self-esteem. It also tends to make other people respect you more and it helps you to form healthier and happier relationships.

So how can you become more assertive?

§  Improve your self-esteem. When you improve your self-esteem then a wonderful thing happens. You start to feel more deserving of good or great things in your life. And so you will start to ask for them because you believe it is natural for you to deserve them (other people may of course say no to some of those things and that is their right). And you’ll start staying no to things or behavior both from yourself and others that you do not think you deserve anymore.

§  Focus on communicating clearly. Ask for what you want or for what is on the other person’s mind. Use your words. Don’t try to mindread someone else. And don’t expect other people to be able to do such a thing to you either. It is not their responsibility to know what you need in some magical way. It is your responsibility to communicate what you want or need. Just like it is for any other person.

§  Start small. If it feels scary to ask for something big or to say no to something very important then start smaller. Say no or ask for something very small. Then work yourself up towards bigger and bigger things.

4. Remember to give the small gifts of kindness.

It is easy to forget about the small gifts of kindness in the stressed and busy everyday life.

But such a small gift can mean so much. It does matter.

§  Just take a minute or 30 seconds to express your genuine appreciation or gratitude for something that someone in your life does well. You’ll brighten his or her day or week.

§  Leave a small and sweet note for your partner or child in a boot, hat, tea-container, underneath the pillow or in a book he or she is reading. It is a very simple and small thing but it in my experience it always brings a big smile to the recipient’s face.

And remember that sometimes a simple and genuine thank you can have a bigger impact than you may realize.

5. Mix things up.

Taking each other for granted or winding up in a repetitive rut can in many relationships lead to boredom or to things not feeling as exciting as they used to. Just relaxing and doing the same old things you always do don’t take much effort. But it can erode the relationship.

So make sure to mix things up. And to try new things once in a while. Do not just go outside of your comfort zone in your own time. Do it when you spend time with a partner or a friend too.

For example:

§  Try a new sport, hobby or restaurant.

§  Go to an event that sounds intriguing and like something new.

§  Go away for a weekend to some place you wouldn’t expect the two of you to go.

6. Have human standards.

I often mention that one of the best ways to stop being a perfectionist and to be happier is to set human standards yourself. Instead of inhuman standards that no-one can live up to really.

This is a good tip for finding more happiness with other people too.

Having perfect standards for your partner, friend or co-worker can lead to a lot of conflicts that could have been prevented. It can even over time lead to the end of a relationship.

People will stumble and make mistakes. They will not always have a good day or perform at their absolute best. They will have flaws.

Sure, some things may need to change in the other person for you to keep being in the relationship. And some missteps could of course lead to the end of the two of you.

But many things that are smaller than that and that can cause irritation or arguments pretty much every week can be greatly reduced with everyone in your life simply by having human standards both for yourself and for others.

And over time, it can make a big difference in how relaxed, open and happy a relationship can be.

7. Focus on solutions, instead of arguing on and on.

Getting stuck in thinking too much about whys and what ifs can be quite destructive. Such thoughts going around in circles rarely leads to much except making issues bigger and scarier than they actually are and to feeling paralyzed or unnecessarily angry or irritated.

So be assertive instead. If there is an issue then communicate what the two of you are thinking instead of assuming or trying to mindread each other.

Find understanding by truly listening to what you hear and by trying to see things from the other person’s viewpoint by asking yourself:

How would I see this situation we are in if I were in his or her shoes?

Then focus on solutions together. Yes, one of you – or the both of you – may have made a mistake but it has already been done and you don’t have a time-machine. So don’t focus on replaying it in your mind over and over or on arguing about it for too long.

Try to move on to focusing on finding and taking action on a solution together. Instead of getting stuck in inaction on separate flanks.

Ask yourselves:

§  How can we solve this?

§  What is one small and practical step we can take today to move forward with this solution?

Focus on what WE can do. Instead of focusing all your energy and thoughts on ME vs YOU and turning a beginning conflict into a fight that benefits no-one really.

It will help both you and the other person and your relationship.

Let me know what you think of this post. Would you like more post like it in a series?
Thank you - Greg